I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
