just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
