im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
