i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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