Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I look better un-naked...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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