I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
When are your genitals available?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
