I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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