Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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