I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
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So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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