I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
