Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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