you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
