Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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