How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
A+ Viking dick
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
