Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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