Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
