I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
