Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
