just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
