i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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