You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
