we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
