all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
