I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
