I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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