Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
