So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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