Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
