yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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