if only i could text you this smell
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
