Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
