Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
