It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize