Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
