definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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