The maid of honor just puked.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
