Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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