I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
