My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
