So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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