tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
