Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
