why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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