If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
