tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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