did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
