i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
