There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We have so much sex to catch up on
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
