I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
