Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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