I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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