There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
