My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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