my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
