Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
