Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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