Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
