Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We have started to decorate penises.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
