At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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