i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
