I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
