Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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