yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
